I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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