My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize