Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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