My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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