woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
