He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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