Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
