omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
