I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
