So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
