Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
