I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how does that bad decision feel?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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