After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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