so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
