Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
