did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
