TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Randomize
