He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
