He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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