The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
