I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
