I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
