he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please come you make the beer taste better
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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