It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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