I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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