Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
