Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
did you just send me my own nude
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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