I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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