I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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