It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
