I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
