I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
