She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
