Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
