Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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