dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
