He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
