Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
