Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
