Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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