yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
