Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
