so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
