we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
