I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want to fling myself into the sun
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
