Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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