you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
