I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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