You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
