im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
