Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize