Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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