Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
