my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
