literally had 100 drinks last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
