im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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