I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
