why didn't you poke me back
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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