Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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