Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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