My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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