Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize