plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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