32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
