im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
