If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So many bounce houses so little time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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