i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
