it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
