I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
