if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
