This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
