idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
