i wish my penis had a tongue
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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