We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please come you make the beer taste better
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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