yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
