You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize